i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
