i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
