If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
