All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
