So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
