I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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