So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
