Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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