you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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