Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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