There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
