I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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