So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
