Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Panties = found
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
