so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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