addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
