Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
