he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
