She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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