and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
God, I missed his penis.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
