So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She bit a glass in half.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
