He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
