She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
