If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
