you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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