2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize