Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
