I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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