Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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