i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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