I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
