I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
