There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
