oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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