dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
