Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
