As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
