Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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