Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
