The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
