I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
