wrigley field is MILF paradise
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
