For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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