Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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