I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
