The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
