Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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