Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
