Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize