you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize