she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
