My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
