I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
