you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You dont lie about slip and slides
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
