our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
