we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
