Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
