i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
whose parrot is this?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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