My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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