I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
