Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
