the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
