I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
