I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize