Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
