I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize