i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
