Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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