threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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