sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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