we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
