If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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