We won't sleep together?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize