You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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