2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
