Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize