i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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