Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
